Baby Maggie
2 1/2 months old now - hard to believe how fast the time goes!
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Saturday, May 23, 2015
end of May updates
To say it's been busy here would be an understatement :) but life isn't supposed to be boring, is it?
My last post or two was mostly pictures - I'll try to include a bit of both pictures and family news this time!
For starters, my husband finished the training program for the railroad, but was promptly furloughed (civilians call it a lay-off, but a lay-off is something else entirely in railroad lingo) along with all of his graduating class and quite a number of other railroad employees - so he is officially a Conductor, but without active employment as one. He really enjoyed the training and all that he got to learn - and he grew a beard!
Andrew's tenth birthday was the week after, it amazes me how fast the kids are growing, and how very tall he in particular is getting. My son has feet nearly as big as mine, and I know he isn't anywhere near done growing yet!! We celebrated his birthday with chocolate cake and buttercream frosting, using Newman O's cookies and chocolate chips to decorate his cake. This boy sure loves his chocolate!!
My last post or two was mostly pictures - I'll try to include a bit of both pictures and family news this time!
For starters, my husband finished the training program for the railroad, but was promptly furloughed (civilians call it a lay-off, but a lay-off is something else entirely in railroad lingo) along with all of his graduating class and quite a number of other railroad employees - so he is officially a Conductor, but without active employment as one. He really enjoyed the training and all that he got to learn - and he grew a beard!
Andrew's tenth birthday was the week after, it amazes me how fast the kids are growing, and how very tall he in particular is getting. My son has feet nearly as big as mine, and I know he isn't anywhere near done growing yet!! We celebrated his birthday with chocolate cake and buttercream frosting, using Newman O's cookies and chocolate chips to decorate his cake. This boy sure loves his chocolate!!
Otherwise, we have been enjoying spring weather in it's on again, off again true to Montana style - cleaning the barn, mucking the cow pen, bottle feeding and now weaning the lambs, raising chickens for meat as well as our egg layers (meat chickens are our new experience for this year - so far so good!), and most recently getting the garden planted and growing.
It seems hard to believe in some ways that baby Maggie is two months old today, and in others, it seems like she has been with us for so much longer than that. She is a true gift and a wonderful "grand finale" for our family. I am so thankful that the Lord blessed us with the unexpected gift of her. She will never replace our beloved baby Faith, we could never "replace" a person with another, especially not one we love so much - but it is nice to end our child-bearing years with such a sweet, lovey, and snuggly little person that we get to keep and enjoy watching her grow up. She's such a good baby, with an adorable smile that we are now getting to see more and more of! I was thrilled to get to photograph her first awake giggle while trying to snap a picture of her smiling, so here are two pictures of her - smiling and giggling :) up until the last couple of days, her giggles have been reserved for sleep giggles - I love seeing how her eyes light up and sparkle when she is so happy - and how expressive she is when taking in her surroundings!
So, life continues to rush forward with new things on a daily basis, and we work to keep up with it all. Spring seems to be an especially busy season, though I'm not sure we ever have a dull or quiet season... ever... but I'm thinking that's not a bad thing. Life is good. Even when it is hard... I'm glad right now it is not hard, though, only busy.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Newest additions to the barnyard
Little lambs - moving to the barn, exploring their new space
they sure got the cows' curiosity peaked!
nosey boys ;)
Our newest sweetie - paint mare
(we're still working on coming up with a new name for her)
Snickers and our new paint mare
Comet :)
Snickers :)
Never a dull moment! But who wants to be bored anyway, right?
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Spring babies
So of course we have the sweetest of all spring gifts in little Maggie - but we have some other spring sweetness as well - here are a couple of pictures to share what's helping to keep us busy these days...
Sleepy snuggles times two
Maggie - almost 3 weeks
Resistance is futile...
Newest additions - one week old bottle lambs!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Introducing...
Introducing...
Margaret Catherine
7 pounds, 11 ounces - 21 inches
born March 23, 2015
Prayers were answered with a healthy baby delivered by c-section. Surgery went well, with only a few minor complications. Daddy was not able to be present for her birth, which was sad for all of us, but not something that we had any control over. He should be home to meet our newest little princess by the weekend.
Maggie and mama are home from the hospital and healing, resting, and enjoying the much quieter environment of home vs a busy hospital. :) Thankful for the prayers that carried us through!
Friday, March 20, 2015
Humbled by prayer...
These last few months have been filled with a difficult pregnancy, life in a busy household with lots of children, lots of animals, and... lots of stress.
We are in the final days of pregnancy now. After an unexpected (and unwanted) doctor change as our long-time OB is transitioning toward retirement, we have faced some additional hurdles and frustrations that we could not have anticipated. We have also been faced with some hard decisions... I've been told that my uterus would probably not handle another pregnancy without the strong probability of life-threatening complications for both another baby and myself. My husband and I have taken this to prayer and I have been strongly convicted that I needed to place this decision in my husband's hands and come under his leadership and guidance in this important decision - letting go of control once again... that's hard to do, but I have peace that it was the right thing. After much prayer, he has come to the decision that yes, we need to be done having children, so along with a c-section birth (because it is the only safe way to deliver at this point) I am set to have a tubal ligation after this litle one is born. I have peace about this as well - that's not something I ever thought I would say, but the peace is overwhelming in the sense that I know my husband was led to make the decision that is best for our family.
Now, after weeks of prodromal (early) labor, and not making much progress with that, we find ourselves again having to let go of "control" and seek the Lord's will and mercy. With my husband's new job, he is part of a group of 15 men going through an intensive training period - they are just about at the halfway mark of a 3 month training before they will be tested and then certified to work. It is a good job, a perfect fit for him, and something he is really enjoying, for which I am so thankful! However, the job training takes him out of town for certain aspects - to date, he has been able to be home every night, but we are quickly approaching the point where he will need to be gone for a few days at a time... and so we reach our particular "pickle" -
At our last OB visit, my blood pressure was elevated (and has been of late), I have some facial and hand swelling (thankfully my feet almost never swell!), and I had started bleeding a bit earlier that morning - our new OB said we would go ahead and schedule the c-section for Monday if I don't go into full labor before then. We thought my husband would be in town on Monday - his training supervisor has been wonderful about trying to keep him local so that he doesn't have to miss this birth, and has nearly bent over backwards trying to accommodate, even though we did not ask him to - I am so grateful for this. However, it came down to a point where his hands are tied, and my husband has to be in a town a couple of hours away on Monday at the time of our scheduled surgeries and birth. I can't begin to tell you how many tears I have cried over this, how many "please, Lord, have mercy" prayers... how frustrated and stressed I have gotten over this, and worried... I don't want to go back in to the operating room without my husband. The last time we were there was when our precious daughter Faith was born and that marked the beginning of her imminent death - my heart feels overwhelmed with the thought of going through those doors again, and I have felt so strongly that I *NEED* to have my husband with me for that... it's not something I feel that I can do on my own. And yet...
This morning, as we sat at the table just the two of us, he prayed as he does each morning, thanking the Lord for our family, our home, his food, and whatever is on his heart... but this morning he prayed that the Lord would see fit to allow him to be present at this birth... but above all for the Lord's will... and he ended his prayer with words that have convicted and humbled me... "we will praise You no matter the outcome". Ouch. I haven't been praising, I have been worrying, I have been stressing... I've been doing everything *but* praising. His intention was not to humble me or to correct me, it was his heartfelt prayer to our Lord, our Father God - it was his committment to praise the Lord regardless of if we get our way in this or not. I needed that reminder, though I didn't want it.
So right now, I commit to the same - I *will* praise Him no matter the outcome. If I have to go back to the operating room alone, I will praise Him - it isn't what I want. It isn't my will... but His will be done, and may He give us the strength, the courage, and the power to praise Him in all things... even when they are contrary to what we desire. Don't get me wrong - I'm still praying for mercy and that the Lord would see fit to allow my husband to be present for the birth of our little one - I'm begging Him for mercy in this... but with a different heart attitude. I still want what I want, but I've been convicted to let go of the "it's not fair" mindset and to put this in God's hands (where really, it has been all along). I strongly desire that he could be present at our daughter's birth and pray that it might be within the Lord's will for that to happen - but with my husband, I now pray and commit to praise the Lord even if we don't get that. I am thankful for my husband and his good heart... his desire to seek the Lord and not to tell God how things should be done, but to seek His will over all... and to praise Him no matter the outcome.
Thank you, Lord, for Your many blessings. I praise You, and thank You. Your will be done. Amen.
We are in the final days of pregnancy now. After an unexpected (and unwanted) doctor change as our long-time OB is transitioning toward retirement, we have faced some additional hurdles and frustrations that we could not have anticipated. We have also been faced with some hard decisions... I've been told that my uterus would probably not handle another pregnancy without the strong probability of life-threatening complications for both another baby and myself. My husband and I have taken this to prayer and I have been strongly convicted that I needed to place this decision in my husband's hands and come under his leadership and guidance in this important decision - letting go of control once again... that's hard to do, but I have peace that it was the right thing. After much prayer, he has come to the decision that yes, we need to be done having children, so along with a c-section birth (because it is the only safe way to deliver at this point) I am set to have a tubal ligation after this litle one is born. I have peace about this as well - that's not something I ever thought I would say, but the peace is overwhelming in the sense that I know my husband was led to make the decision that is best for our family.
Now, after weeks of prodromal (early) labor, and not making much progress with that, we find ourselves again having to let go of "control" and seek the Lord's will and mercy. With my husband's new job, he is part of a group of 15 men going through an intensive training period - they are just about at the halfway mark of a 3 month training before they will be tested and then certified to work. It is a good job, a perfect fit for him, and something he is really enjoying, for which I am so thankful! However, the job training takes him out of town for certain aspects - to date, he has been able to be home every night, but we are quickly approaching the point where he will need to be gone for a few days at a time... and so we reach our particular "pickle" -
At our last OB visit, my blood pressure was elevated (and has been of late), I have some facial and hand swelling (thankfully my feet almost never swell!), and I had started bleeding a bit earlier that morning - our new OB said we would go ahead and schedule the c-section for Monday if I don't go into full labor before then. We thought my husband would be in town on Monday - his training supervisor has been wonderful about trying to keep him local so that he doesn't have to miss this birth, and has nearly bent over backwards trying to accommodate, even though we did not ask him to - I am so grateful for this. However, it came down to a point where his hands are tied, and my husband has to be in a town a couple of hours away on Monday at the time of our scheduled surgeries and birth. I can't begin to tell you how many tears I have cried over this, how many "please, Lord, have mercy" prayers... how frustrated and stressed I have gotten over this, and worried... I don't want to go back in to the operating room without my husband. The last time we were there was when our precious daughter Faith was born and that marked the beginning of her imminent death - my heart feels overwhelmed with the thought of going through those doors again, and I have felt so strongly that I *NEED* to have my husband with me for that... it's not something I feel that I can do on my own. And yet...
This morning, as we sat at the table just the two of us, he prayed as he does each morning, thanking the Lord for our family, our home, his food, and whatever is on his heart... but this morning he prayed that the Lord would see fit to allow him to be present at this birth... but above all for the Lord's will... and he ended his prayer with words that have convicted and humbled me... "we will praise You no matter the outcome". Ouch. I haven't been praising, I have been worrying, I have been stressing... I've been doing everything *but* praising. His intention was not to humble me or to correct me, it was his heartfelt prayer to our Lord, our Father God - it was his committment to praise the Lord regardless of if we get our way in this or not. I needed that reminder, though I didn't want it.
So right now, I commit to the same - I *will* praise Him no matter the outcome. If I have to go back to the operating room alone, I will praise Him - it isn't what I want. It isn't my will... but His will be done, and may He give us the strength, the courage, and the power to praise Him in all things... even when they are contrary to what we desire. Don't get me wrong - I'm still praying for mercy and that the Lord would see fit to allow my husband to be present for the birth of our little one - I'm begging Him for mercy in this... but with a different heart attitude. I still want what I want, but I've been convicted to let go of the "it's not fair" mindset and to put this in God's hands (where really, it has been all along). I strongly desire that he could be present at our daughter's birth and pray that it might be within the Lord's will for that to happen - but with my husband, I now pray and commit to praise the Lord even if we don't get that. I am thankful for my husband and his good heart... his desire to seek the Lord and not to tell God how things should be done, but to seek His will over all... and to praise Him no matter the outcome.
Thank you, Lord, for Your many blessings. I praise You, and thank You. Your will be done. Amen.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Some thoughts of grief and being "quiver full"...
This is actually a copy and paste of something I wrote to someone specific, but after re-reading it and thinking on it, decided to share it here as well... perhaps it might help someone more than the original recipient who is also grieving the loss of a precious child.
--
First, I understand where you are coming from - I have had 7 miscarriages over the years, first and second trimester losses both, and then gave birth to a daughter last March (next Friday marks one year since her birth, and death) - she had a chromosomal disorder and complex heart issues, and throughout the pregnancy we never knew if she would be with us for another day or another week... she was born alive, but just barely... she was purple and went to sleep maybe two minutes after her birth and never woke again.
The pain of such a loss is excruciating, and yes, it does cause us to second guess convictions and decisions and so much more...
In the end, we know that we can trust in the *fact* that God is gracious, He is loving, He loves our little ones even more than we do (which frankly is sure hard to wrap my mama's heart and brain around - how could ANYONE love my children more than I do? and yet, He does...) He does allow hard things - sometimes things we will never, ever, on this earth understand. But we also know that it's ok to cry, it's ok to grieve - even Jesus wept at Lazarus' tomb... He knew that He could (and shortly would) raise Lazarus from the grave/ death, and yet He wept for the death of His friend!
Yes, we do need to be content, but I don't think that means we aren't allowed real and genuine feelings... and that includes grief. Allow your grief to draw you closer to Him, allow Him to heal your hurts, to soothe your soul and bring peace to your heart and mind. We don't have to understand *why*, we just need to trust that He *is* in control, His love for us NEVER wavers... these hard things aren't a punishment, nor are they the Lord looking away for a moment - they are painful and they are real, but they are not without His love and protection being *right there* with us. It's hard to see that when we are in the midst of grief, sometimes it's hard to feel His presence... yet we have His promise that He will NEVER leave us OR forsake us - He is ever present in our times of trouble - as He cares for the sparrow of the field, how much more He cares for us... so many places in scripture where He reminds us of His love. He is unfailing. Even when we feel alone, even when we feel broken and lost, crushed under the weight of grief, He *is* there... and He cares, and I believe He weeps with us because our pain sorrows Him. No loving parent wants to see their child suffer and hurt, and yet there are times in life when we cannot or do not intervene and our children deal with pain... it isn't because we don't love them or because we've walked away - sometimes there are things that have to be learned and they can only be learned through sorrow or pain. It's hard to understand, and yet, that's what it is.
In the end, we continue to trust the Lord, we love Him, we give our hurts to Him and allow Him to comfort our pain and tears... and we grow.
There are people who will never understand this - they see our hurting and our losses and ask why we don't just stop already... because they have missed the greater lesson that it isn't about how many children we can have...
It's about trusting the Lord to be in control.
It's about leaning on His wisdom and not our own.
It's about obedience.
Sometimes He can speak to us through a doctor who tells us that for medical reasons, it really is time to stop - and it is medically indicated that we need to take permanent measures - when that time comes, I believe there is a peace from the Lord that comes with it. Sometimes He leads us through our husbands first, and sometimes He puts that nudging in our hearts first and goes from there. I don't know that there is a one-size-fits-all "sign", but if we keep our hearts open to Him, to His will, to continuing to allow Him to be in control of our lives, of our fertility, then He will let us know His will and He will guide and direct us. Our job is to continue to walk in His will... and we may mistake something for His will or question something that *is* His will, and that's ok - we are human. He created us that way, and we are not perfect - but we do need to continue to seek Him and His will in all things, including our fertility.
It seems a lot of people mistake the concept of "quiver full" as being a sort of mandate to "have as many children as humanly possible" and they try to control their fertility by not breastfeeding beyond a certain age or by trying to conceive using various methods, or whatever... Yet, it is not a mandate. It is a conviction that all life is the Lord's to give and to take, we need to try to stay within His will and bless His name in all things, even (and especially) when it hurts, when it is hard... We show our love for Him partly in doing just that - we trust in Him to always know what is best. Does it mean we never "try" to get pregnant? I don't think so... but we don't try to *not* get pregnant either... we leave the control of that, on both sides of it, in His great and capable hands.
Sometimes He will give us gifts that we get to keep, sometimes He will give us gifts that are only ours for a short time... but they are all gifts, not punishments. He has determined the number of each of our days, from beginning to end, before the world even began. Some lives barely touch this world, and yet they are no less precious or important.
Allow yourself to grieve... and yes, sometimes with the grieving comes the questioning - take your questions to Him. He loves you so much and He wants to comfort you and bring you peace... He wants to help carry you through your grief. Blessings come in many forms, and sometimes those blessings come during times of healing from great pain. Remember that it is possible to be content and still grieve at the same time -I think of my precious daughter Faith as an example of this... her body had so many things "wrong" with it that she could not have survived, and had she survived, she would have lived in constant pain and with constant difficulty... and while I miss her so very much, and I still hurt and ache to hold her tiny body in my arms once again, I would never wish her back from the Lord's presence. When she passed from my arms, she was given God's gift of miraculous healing, totally and completely healed and whole, never to experience any pain or heartache - all she will ever know is the glory and joy of being in the Lord's presence and her existence worshipping Him at His feet... What a glorious gift for my sweet child! Yes, my arms ache for her, my heart aches for her - and as we approach the one year anniversary of both her birth and earthly death, the grief comes in fresh waves, that honestly sometimes feel overwhelming... raw and painful... I cry for her passing, I cry for my own heartache - but I would not change where she is or take back the Lord's gift of healing for her.
Someday we will be blessed by the presence of the children we have "lost" in this world, and we will rejoice and praise the Lord together with them. In the meanwhile, I don't believe it is wrong to grieve our earthly losses, and I do believe that the Lord desires to comfort us in our heartaches.
((((hugs to you)))) praying for your hurting heart - may the Lord surround you with His peace and comfort. I pray that for all of us who are grieving for our children "who are no more" on this earth - and yet they are still, because they are with the Lord in heaven.
--
First, I understand where you are coming from - I have had 7 miscarriages over the years, first and second trimester losses both, and then gave birth to a daughter last March (next Friday marks one year since her birth, and death) - she had a chromosomal disorder and complex heart issues, and throughout the pregnancy we never knew if she would be with us for another day or another week... she was born alive, but just barely... she was purple and went to sleep maybe two minutes after her birth and never woke again.
The pain of such a loss is excruciating, and yes, it does cause us to second guess convictions and decisions and so much more...
In the end, we know that we can trust in the *fact* that God is gracious, He is loving, He loves our little ones even more than we do (which frankly is sure hard to wrap my mama's heart and brain around - how could ANYONE love my children more than I do? and yet, He does...) He does allow hard things - sometimes things we will never, ever, on this earth understand. But we also know that it's ok to cry, it's ok to grieve - even Jesus wept at Lazarus' tomb... He knew that He could (and shortly would) raise Lazarus from the grave/ death, and yet He wept for the death of His friend!
Yes, we do need to be content, but I don't think that means we aren't allowed real and genuine feelings... and that includes grief. Allow your grief to draw you closer to Him, allow Him to heal your hurts, to soothe your soul and bring peace to your heart and mind. We don't have to understand *why*, we just need to trust that He *is* in control, His love for us NEVER wavers... these hard things aren't a punishment, nor are they the Lord looking away for a moment - they are painful and they are real, but they are not without His love and protection being *right there* with us. It's hard to see that when we are in the midst of grief, sometimes it's hard to feel His presence... yet we have His promise that He will NEVER leave us OR forsake us - He is ever present in our times of trouble - as He cares for the sparrow of the field, how much more He cares for us... so many places in scripture where He reminds us of His love. He is unfailing. Even when we feel alone, even when we feel broken and lost, crushed under the weight of grief, He *is* there... and He cares, and I believe He weeps with us because our pain sorrows Him. No loving parent wants to see their child suffer and hurt, and yet there are times in life when we cannot or do not intervene and our children deal with pain... it isn't because we don't love them or because we've walked away - sometimes there are things that have to be learned and they can only be learned through sorrow or pain. It's hard to understand, and yet, that's what it is.
In the end, we continue to trust the Lord, we love Him, we give our hurts to Him and allow Him to comfort our pain and tears... and we grow.
There are people who will never understand this - they see our hurting and our losses and ask why we don't just stop already... because they have missed the greater lesson that it isn't about how many children we can have...
It's about trusting the Lord to be in control.
It's about leaning on His wisdom and not our own.
It's about obedience.
Sometimes He can speak to us through a doctor who tells us that for medical reasons, it really is time to stop - and it is medically indicated that we need to take permanent measures - when that time comes, I believe there is a peace from the Lord that comes with it. Sometimes He leads us through our husbands first, and sometimes He puts that nudging in our hearts first and goes from there. I don't know that there is a one-size-fits-all "sign", but if we keep our hearts open to Him, to His will, to continuing to allow Him to be in control of our lives, of our fertility, then He will let us know His will and He will guide and direct us. Our job is to continue to walk in His will... and we may mistake something for His will or question something that *is* His will, and that's ok - we are human. He created us that way, and we are not perfect - but we do need to continue to seek Him and His will in all things, including our fertility.
It seems a lot of people mistake the concept of "quiver full" as being a sort of mandate to "have as many children as humanly possible" and they try to control their fertility by not breastfeeding beyond a certain age or by trying to conceive using various methods, or whatever... Yet, it is not a mandate. It is a conviction that all life is the Lord's to give and to take, we need to try to stay within His will and bless His name in all things, even (and especially) when it hurts, when it is hard... We show our love for Him partly in doing just that - we trust in Him to always know what is best. Does it mean we never "try" to get pregnant? I don't think so... but we don't try to *not* get pregnant either... we leave the control of that, on both sides of it, in His great and capable hands.
Sometimes He will give us gifts that we get to keep, sometimes He will give us gifts that are only ours for a short time... but they are all gifts, not punishments. He has determined the number of each of our days, from beginning to end, before the world even began. Some lives barely touch this world, and yet they are no less precious or important.
Allow yourself to grieve... and yes, sometimes with the grieving comes the questioning - take your questions to Him. He loves you so much and He wants to comfort you and bring you peace... He wants to help carry you through your grief. Blessings come in many forms, and sometimes those blessings come during times of healing from great pain. Remember that it is possible to be content and still grieve at the same time -I think of my precious daughter Faith as an example of this... her body had so many things "wrong" with it that she could not have survived, and had she survived, she would have lived in constant pain and with constant difficulty... and while I miss her so very much, and I still hurt and ache to hold her tiny body in my arms once again, I would never wish her back from the Lord's presence. When she passed from my arms, she was given God's gift of miraculous healing, totally and completely healed and whole, never to experience any pain or heartache - all she will ever know is the glory and joy of being in the Lord's presence and her existence worshipping Him at His feet... What a glorious gift for my sweet child! Yes, my arms ache for her, my heart aches for her - and as we approach the one year anniversary of both her birth and earthly death, the grief comes in fresh waves, that honestly sometimes feel overwhelming... raw and painful... I cry for her passing, I cry for my own heartache - but I would not change where she is or take back the Lord's gift of healing for her.
Someday we will be blessed by the presence of the children we have "lost" in this world, and we will rejoice and praise the Lord together with them. In the meanwhile, I don't believe it is wrong to grieve our earthly losses, and I do believe that the Lord desires to comfort us in our heartaches.
((((hugs to you)))) praying for your hurting heart - may the Lord surround you with His peace and comfort. I pray that for all of us who are grieving for our children "who are no more" on this earth - and yet they are still, because they are with the Lord in heaven.
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