Living with a person who has bi-polar disorder is like a long and winding roller coaster - sometimes things go smoothly, with a few minor bumps and curves (that everyone everywhere experiences from time to time in life) and sometimes you're holding on to the edge of your seat almost certain that you're going to be thrown from the ride or derail in a horrific accident. There are immensely satisfying days and excruciatingly painful days. The trick is figuring out which one you get more of.
Thankfully in this day and age, mental illness is not looked upon as a spiritual disease (except in a few extremist groups) and it is something that is becoming more and more recognized and treated in the medical community. I remember growing up in my father's home under his manic-depressive rule (manic depression was later re-named bi-polar disorder) and the swing between fear of catching his attention and desperation to catch it. It wasn't until after I left his home during my high school years that he was diagnosed, and I remember the tremendous relief to hear about it - it wasn't all my fault after all! There was something much bigger than me or his dislike of me going on. Sometimes I wonder if it was a blessing or a curse to grow up in his household, with the issues mental illness brings with it - on the blessing side, I was able to recognize many signs in my daughter to get an early diagnosis from a good psychologist for her "early onset" bi-polar, and we have since been working on getting a good, stable hand on her medications. Of course in the medical community it seems they have drugs for just about everything - not all of them good for you, and many that are long-term detrimental to a person's health - many untested over long periods of time, or not intended for use in children - all of these especially good reasons to research medications suggested by the docs and to also research natural alternatives (to be used with a knowledgeable mental health professional so that we don't do more harm than good or use something that may contraindict with another medication, etc...) Needless to say, this has been a learning journey. And the difference between being the daughter of a bi-polar parent is a significant change from being the parent of a bi-polar child. Add in the teen age years and you get a very interesting (and sometimes tenuous) combination.
In our case, we get a bear of many colors. Much like a "mood ring" of the 70s and 80s, her colors can change in an instant and last for seconds, hours, or days. Bi-polar swings do not always come with a depressive swing, but can come with an anger swing instead - taming that beast (the swing, *not* the child - definitely not calling the child a beast - just to be clear) can be difficult and sometimes feels impossible. We're still figuring it all out - sometimes it feels like we're making headway, and other times it feels like an absolute, utter, and complete failure. Sometimes as a parent *I* feel like an utter and complete failure because of the bi-polar behaviors we struggle with at times. It's a roller coaster.
Personally, I always preferred the tilt-a-whirl, the carousel, the thunderbolt... the rides that can feel like you're going round in circles and sometimes a little like things are spinning out of control, yet you know the ride is firmly grounded. There are no tracks to go flying off of, and there are seatbelts to help you stay in your seat - oh, and there's not flipping upside down where you might fall out of your seat! Unlike roller coasters where you can have any and/ or all of those things.
No, the roller coaster of bi-polar is more like a dance from one roller coaster to the next - and no one in the home or family escapes the ride. In some ways, it helps to build character and helps a family learn problem solving skills and life skills in how to handle more... challenging... kinds of people (ok, I'll say it - difficult people, because some people just are, bi-polar or not!) On the flip side, it can also hurt. Like dancing with a partner who keeps trodding on your feet. It can be downright painful at times.
Growly bear, grouchy bear, the so-not-a-morning-bear, the snuggly bear, hungry as a bear, teddy bear, and mad on-a-rampage bear... Which bear will we dance with next?
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